Funeral planning checklist: what to write down for your family

About you

1. Your full legal name, and your date and place of birth

   Spelled the way your official documents spell them. Your family will be asked for these more than once.

2. Where your Social Security card and birth certificate are kept

   Where they are, not the numbers. Usually the funeral home reports a death to Social Security, and it will need the details.

3. Your spouse’s full name, and your parents’ full names

   Written out in full. They are easy details for a grieving family to lose track of.

4. Military service: branch, dates, and where your DD-214 is

   Veterans may qualify for VA burial benefits, and the discharge papers are what the VA asks for.

Your wishes

1. Burial, cremation, or something else — and where

   If you want burial, note whether you already own a cemetery plot. The FTC suggests buying one before it is needed, so nobody is rushing to buy it in the days after a death.

2. The kind of service you want, where, and who should lead it

   Religious or not, large or small, a service or a gathering. It is your call, and writing it down makes it theirs to carry out.

3. Music, readings, clothing, photos — anything you want included

   The small things are the ones families argue about. A line here settles them.

4. Anything you do not want

   Say it plainly. It spares your family from guessing.

5. Who should carry out your wishes

   In Washington, you can put your wishes in a written document signed in front of a witness, and name an agent to direct your arrangements (RCW 68.50.160). Texas and Nevada have their own rules — ask the funeral home or an attorney.

Who to call first

1. The person carrying out your wishes

   Name and phone number, first on the list.

2. Family and close friends

   The people who should hear it from family rather than from social media.

3. Your faith leader, if you have one

   Name, congregation and phone number.

4. Your employer or pension office, attorney and insurance agent

   Each of them has something your family will need to start or stop.

Where things are

1. Your will, if you have one, and who has a copy

   Keep your funeral wishes separate from it — a will is often not found or read until after the funeral.

2. Life insurance and final expense policies

   The company, where each policy is kept, and who the beneficiary is. A policy nobody knows about pays nobody.

3. Any prepaid funeral contract or cemetery deed

   If your family does not know you prepaid, they could end up paying for the same arrangements twice.

4. Bank, retirement and pension accounts

   The institution names only. Account numbers do not belong on a sheet like this.

5. Your home and car papers, and any bills that pay automatically

   Deed or lease, mortgage, car title, and anything that will keep charging an account.

How the costs will be paid

1. Life insurance or a final expense policy

   Which policy is meant for the funeral, and who is expected to handle it.

2. A prepaid arrangement, or savings set aside

   Where it is and how much, so your family knows what is already covered.

3. Veterans’ burial benefits

   Eligible veterans can receive a gravesite in a VA national cemetery with space, a government headstone or marker, and a burial flag at no cost to the family, and a burial allowance may be available. You can ask the VA ahead of time whether you are eligible.

4. The Social Security lump-sum payment

   A one-time payment of $255 may go to a surviving spouse who lived in the same household, or to certain children. It has to be applied for within two years of the death.

Where to keep it

• Put your wishes in writing and give copies to your family and your attorney. Keep one copy somewhere easy to find.
• Do not leave your funeral wishes only in your will. A will is often not found or read until after the funeral.
• Do not keep the only copy in a safe deposit box. Your family may need it on a weekend or a holiday, before the box can be opened.
• Look at it again every few years, and whenever something big changes.

All four of these come from the Federal Trade Commission’s advice on planning your own funeral.

Your family’s rights at the funeral home

• They can buy only the goods and services they want. They do not have to accept a package.
• They can get prices over the phone without giving a name, address or phone number.
• They must be given a written, itemized General Price List to keep.
• They can use a casket or urn bought somewhere else. The funeral home cannot refuse it or charge a fee to handle it.
• For cremation, they can use an alternative container instead of a casket. No state or local law requires a casket for cremation.
• They must receive a written statement of everything they chose, and its price, before they pay.

These rights come from the FTC Funeral Rule, which applies to funeral homes. It does not cover third-party sellers such as casket or monument dealers, or cemeteries without an on-site funeral home.

Thinking about prepaying?

• What exactly are you paying for — merchandise only, or services too?
• What happens to the money, and to any interest it earns?
• Are you protected if the business closes?
• Can you cancel and get a full refund if you change your mind?
• What happens if you move, or die while away from home?

These are the FTC’s questions. State protections for prepaid funerals vary widely, so get the answers in writing before you put down any money.

Nothing on this page is legal advice. For a will, or for the form that names who will carry out your wishes, talk to an attorney. For the insurance side of it, talk to a licensed agent — ours is Jaime, and a review costs nothing.